


•I will not kiss you•

by GrabriolliRaviolli



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, hemwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-09-01 00:13:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8599411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrabriolliRaviolli/pseuds/GrabriolliRaviolli
Summary: I know I should've told him, I do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance
> 
> If you were having a good day before this im sorry.

I knew I should've told him when I first met him. I really should've.

He was so sweet, showed me what it was like to have some real fun, I needed it in my boring life, I really did.

Now I was in too deep and failing to swim up.

○□○□○□○

It was five months in to our relationship when it came back, and i wanted to tell him but I knew damn well I couldn't.

It would crush his poor fragile heart in to bits and pieces, and that's something I couldn't do to the boy I Love.

○□○□○□○

It was when I started wheezing terribly during a movie that he got concerned, I didn't want to worry him so I told him I had a small case of asthma. He believed me, but I could tell he didn't fully trust what I said.

But I knew what this meant, it was completely back, and bad.

○□○□○□○

When the pain in my chest began, and I started coughing up blood one night at 3 AM, that's when he took me to the hospital. I went willingly, knowing I had to stop hiding it and tell him the truth.

○□○□○□○

"Well Ashton, I'm sorry. But it's back, an there's only a few things we can do to try and stop it this time." Dr. Mullins said, staring sympathetically at the boy.

This was where Luke got confused. What was back?

He looked up at his hazel eyed love, "What's he talking about Ash?"

Ashton looked shamefully at his lap, "I um, I have lung cancer, Luke."

His cobalt eyes watered up, "What? Why didn't you tell me?" He felt betrayed, and utterly crushed at the same time.

"I didn't want to hurt you, baby boy." Ashton murmured, wanting to take Luke's hand, but feeling like he wasn't allowed to.

"Mr. Hemmings have you noticed Ashton having coughing fits recently? Any wheezing, loss of appetite, weight loss?" This was where Luke noticed all of the times Ashton had _lied to him._

"Right now I want to scream and yell at you for all the lies you've told me to cover this up." Luke said, voice stern as he looked in to Ashton's honey eyes.

"But at the moment, considering the situation and why  you lied to me, I understand." Ashton let out a relieved sigh. Luke took Ashton's hand in his own, and pulled the older man's head to his smaller chest.

"But I swear to anything out there, when this goes away I'll kill you myself." Both men let out a chuckle, tears beginning to slowly fall from his eyes.

○□○□○□○

"Ashton, please, let me kiss you." Luke whined, sitting next to his boyfriend and grasping his hand.

"Luke I said no, please drop it. Will you just, get me a glass of water please?" Ashton coughed, his lips chapped and faded.

He'd just came home from a chemo, and he felt truly _soggy_.

When Luke came back with his water, he asked Luke to come lay with him, so the both could nap, and Luke sprung to the idea, craving some type of touch from the honey-brown haired boy.

Luke laid his head on Ashton's chest, putting his arms around the boy. Ashton let his fingers run through Luke's hair, he missed his own.

Luke had cut it for him, so when the chemo began making it fall out, it'd be easier.

Now he wore a lot of beanies, and didn't really want Luke to see him, but he couldn't stop the man anymore.

When he thought Luke was asleep, he mumbled sadly, _"The hardest part of this, is losing you, baby boy."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton has accepted that his life will only go one way, but Luke hasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue continuation.

"Luke, come on now. This isn't something to argue over." Ashton mumbled, slightly sitting up in his bed. They were arguing, Luke wanted Ashton to go to the hospital to just see what they could do to help Ashton. Chemo wasn't working, nothing was working and it was breaking Luke's heart. Ashton just wanted to spend the rest of his days with Luke, in their apartment. Luke just wasn't ready to give up on Ashton even if he'd long given up on himself. Luke sat on the edge of their bed, hands grasping at the blanket and looking at his lap.

Ashton just wanted Luke to understand, Ashton is  _tired_. All he wants is just to rest. Sadly, he couldn't rest while still breathing the toxic air that seemed to follow him. He was followed by a cloud of death and disruption. He didn't know how to explain it to Luke. Dr. Mullins had already told the two, there was no way for his cancer to leave. He'd beat it once before, but that was luck. His luck had ran out, and he couldn't hold on to the tiny fragments of it anymore. He didn't care if others thought it selfish for him to leave Luke. He  _loves_ Luke. He adores the pretty blond with slightly brighter than oceanic blue eyes. But he can't hold on anymore. He tried, God did he try. He wanted to hold on for his love, he wanted to kick the shit out of this stupid disease. But he wasn't strong enough, and he'd accepted that.

He couldn't find words to tell his pretty blond these emotions, so he settled for a simple sentence. "I'm just, I'm just  _tired_."

Luke nodded, biting his lip and choking back his tears with his eyes falling to his lap and his right hand finding Ashton's. "I know." was all the blond could mumble. He let the hazel eyed boy's hand fall from his, walking around the bed and lying on top of the blanket with Ashton. Ashton welcomed the blond into his embrace, letting him lay his head on Ashton's chest. Luke's left and Ashton's right found each other as they sat in their silence.

**|;|**

"Mr Hemmings, are you sure about this?"

_"Luke, promise me you'll let me go." Ashton mumbled, running his hands through the blond's soft hair. Ashton could feel it. He wasn't going to be here much longer, he'd be gone soon. He was frail, weak. He was becoming a shell of who he used to be. Luke choked up at Ashton's comment, his hand gripping a small tuff of their blanket tighter._

_"I don't know if I can, Ash." He choked out, tears brimming his eyes. How could he let Ashton go? Ashton had been his first real relationship, his first love, his first everything. How could he let the man go after that? Ashton's grip on Luke grew tighter, tears quickly finding their way to his eyes as well._

_"I know baby boy. But you have to, you understand me? Don't keep me here. Move on, you deserve to find another happiness." Ashton finished his sentence with placing a kiss on the top of Lukes head. Luke nodded though, he knew he couldn't lie to Ashton._

_"I'll try Ash."_

Luke nodded to Dr. Mullins, he knew this was what Ashton wanted.

_"I love you Luke, I love you so much. I need you to remember that, okay?" Ashton mumbled, drifting off into sleep quickly._

_"I love you too, Ash. I love you more than anything and I'll always remember it." He mumbled back, already closer to sleep than Ashton. They both fell asleep, entangled in the others limbs and whispering nothings till they both passed out._

"Okay, say your goodbyes. I'll be turning off the machine in two minutes." Dr. Mullins said, placing a sympathetic hand on Luke's shoulder, before walking out of the room to give the man his goodbye in peace.

Luke took hold of Ashton's cold hand, remembering all his promises to the hazel eyed man. Those hazel eyes he fell in love with, would always be in love with. 

Luke had woken up that day and Ashton, had not. Ashton had fallen into a coma in his sleep and Mullins said he wasn't coming out, Luke accepted that. Ashton's only family was Luke, and he'd left Luke with the rights to when to let him go. Luke had kept him alive for a week, to plan what would happen with him, and what Ashton had written in his will. He'd left everything to Luke. He wrote in his will that he was to be cremated, and he wanted Luke to do whatever he thinks he should with Ashton's ashes. 

But Luke knew he had to keep his promise to Ashton, and that was to let him go.

"I'll always love you Ashton. Always, I know we only really dated for a little over a year, but it's been the best damned year of my life and that's because of  _you_." He couldn't believe this was the same bubbly man he'd met and instantly fell in love with. Where was his bubble? That's right, cancer took it. He held a grudge against the disease for taking his loved ones. Ashton had a smile that lit up a room, and Luke would always remember him as that bubbly man with a smile to make the grumpiest person happy.

"It's time, Mr. Hemmings." Mr. Mullins said, coming next to Ashton's life support machine. Luke nodded, keeping his hand in Ashton's with tears rolling down his pale skin.

Luke watched as Mullins unplugged Ashton's life support.

He watched as his heart monitor went flat.

And all he could think about was,

_"No, the hardest part is you leaving me, Ash."_

 

 


End file.
